Life Skills For The Happy Soul


Do You Want To,  Think You Have To, And Is There A Time When You No Longer Need To?​

meditation do we need to, why do we resist meditation, do we ever outgrow mediation, spiritual practices


Do You Want To, Think You Have To,

And Is There A Time When You No Longer Need To?​


Here’s a question I received recently and, as it’s something that comes up often in my work with clients, I thought you’d appreciate these perspectives too. 


Q: When I think of meditation, it’s something I don’t always want to do. Most often I don’t do it.  Is this resistance, or is there a point in time in our spiritual development that we no longer need to meditate? 


Let’s look at the part of your question that addresses the desire or resistance to meditate first. 

That answer is found in how you feel when you  make the choice to meditate or not to do so.   For example, if you  are inspired to meditate and then don’t ... because you tell yourself you don’t have the time ... then you are affirming/creating a lack of time.   And if you tell yourself that you should do it, because it’s good for you, will you want to do it?  Will you want to do something if you’re making it a “have to”, or if you tell yourself that you “should” do it?  Let’s say you force yourself to meditate,  despite the feeling of not wanting to ... will you enjoy the experience if you stay in the space of a should or a have to? 

Why We Do What We Do


When we want something,

we will automatically do it.

Here’s an obvious, yet not always obvious reason for why we do, or do not do anything. 


When we want to do something, we will automatically want to do it.  No force is needed. When we think we should or have to, we will resist taking action. 


And if we force ourselves to do something we don’t really want to do ... we won’t enjoy it, and that can lead to experiences of  anger, resentment, self-criticism, feeling trapped, procrastination, and overwhelm.



Be the change you want to see

in your life. The world will take care of itself. 



- Bring it home from Ghandi's perspective

 An Important  Moment Of Truth. ...

It’s never the thing (in this case, whether to meditate) that creates any of those feelings, or the resistance. Rather, it’s the attitude/perspective around the choice. Is it a want to, a have to, or a should?  All of it is created, within you — from the idea or desire to meditate, to the choice to happily or unhappily  do so. Of course, we can also choose to happily, or unhappily decide not to do so . And if we would make ourselves wrong for not doing something, or not doing it correctly ... that too is a choice!


Choices And Habits


If you choose anything, because you want that to be a habit you love and willingly and happily do, then cultivate beautiful reasons for doing it, rather than giving yourself reasons for not doing it. You can’t cultivate wanting to do something, while at the same time telling yourself you have to, should, or can’t easily do it. 


I have to  creates feelings of entrapment. Of course, you will resist. You’re wired for freedom and wanting to!


I should  comes from  obligation, duty,  being “correct”, or choosing it,  because you  want to look good, or avoid looking bad.  Coming from I should or I have to is not a pure,  I want to choice.   Again, there’s not a pure desire ,or inspiration there.  So, you will naturally resist whatever is at the other end of an I should, I have to, or an I don’t want to/feel like it.  


On Purpose: Your Reason Why


So, the question then becomes - do you want to meditate?  Why would you want to? Here are some reasons why you might choose to want to.


1. You feel good when you cultivate a way of being that is helpful to you in some way ... such as expanding serenity, ease ,or higher presence. 


2. You like the feeling of peace, or connecting with the nonphysical aspects of yourself and life. 


3. It helps you remember who You are, or you feel that you’re expanding feelings of being  loved and supported when you meditate. 


4. You feel peaceful, and want to use part of your meditation time to anchor  or visualize exciting new  choices you want to attract. 


5. You want to expand happiness, appreciation or some other helpful way-of-being, and you feel that is what you’re doing when you meditate. 


6. You love the soft music you listen to as you meditate. 


7. You like guided mediations that take you to new exciting places and possibilities. 


8. You want to have a deep, soul-to-soul conversation with someone in nonphysical form..


9. You want to expand your ability to focus your thinking. 


10. You want to practice observing without commenting, and want to quiet your mind ,so you can be above the stories and in the driver’s seat as you go about your day. 



The key here is the why, or purpose behind the choice. Why do you want to do it? When you’re on purpose, you take time to know your why, because that helps you line up with what you ultimately want in a happy and powerful way! 


Are there other methods of accomplishing these reasons I mentioned? Sure, and that too is a choice. Do you want to learn them? You get to choose! 


Do We Need It


And finally to address the question;  is there ever a time in your spiritual development that you don’t need to meditate? The answer is found in who you are being. Have you embodied your spiritual goals? Are they now part of you?  


If for example, you’ve accomplished your spiritual goal to be calmly and happily present throughout the day, then you may no longer want to “meditate” for 20 minutes every morning ... because your day is already filled with calm and presence.  Let’s look at another example. If your spiritual goal was to more easily and quickly line up with your heartfelt dreams and desires, or your goal was to expand your experience of love and appreciation ... and that is now part of who you automatically are ... or you are doing that in another way ... then again, you may no longer feel the need or want to meditate. 


Having spiritual goals, knowing what they are, and knowing where you are relative to them ... will help you choose the tools that are best for you. 


Much Love, 



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Elari Onawa

Life On Purpose Coach & Author Of Just Believe: How Faith In Yourself Shifts Everything 

I’ve been coaching and leading Life On Purpose and Self-Discovery programs since 2003. Prior to that, I led large organizations for 20+ years, helping them align with their dreams and goals. If you're ready for more purpose and joy, if you want to embrace more of who you are, and create more of what you really want ...I can help you have that!


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